I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
