i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you told grandpa to call you daddy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
