dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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