Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
