I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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