absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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