and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
