I feel great
I just peed on a car
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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