I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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