yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
