I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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