I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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