I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
