So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
