I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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