I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
