Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
