guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
