i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
