His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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