She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
