I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
