I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
