i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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