People with herpes should wear stickers.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
