Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
