I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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