these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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