I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
