Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
