I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
