the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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