I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
