I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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