Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
