I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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