So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think my moral compass just broke
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize