and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
