Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
