I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
