So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
