you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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