I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
