Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
