i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
