if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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