I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i out mim tonsoeep
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