I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
