It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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