If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
