I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
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he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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