my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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