If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
