i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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