So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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