Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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