whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
