Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
