so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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