the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
