If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
