remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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