Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
