Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize