dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
